I wish I was a fat guy.

Over the years, I’ve often wanted to be really muscular. I’ve sometimes said I wished to be skinny. I’ve wanted to be taller. I’ve even wished to have cool scars on my face. But it’s only when I said I wished I was a fat guy that anyone objected.

“You makin’ funna me?”

Yes, I know we have a problem with obesity in this country. I know that being overweight is bad for your heart, and gives you arthritis, and diminishes your sex appeal. But those things are true of being too skinny, as well. And too tall. And too muscly or scarred. (Well, maybe not the arthritis. Okay, I accept that the medical science in this post has been somewhat lacking. Shut up.)

The thing is, some people judge their own worth by their jobs. But you can get fired from jobs, so it’s bad to rely on them for your self esteem. Some people think what counts is the money in your bank account, but that money is never yours for long - and if it is, what’s the point in having it? Some people think it’s who you marry that matters, but I think single people and divorcees would have something to say about that.

Your possessions? They’re transient.

Your skills? They fade.

Your looks? They’re subjective. (And they crinkle.)

It seems to me that your body is the one thing that you truly own, the thing you can have the most complete control over. It’s yours as long as you’re alive, you understand it better than anyone else does, and you’ve been crafting it, consciously or otherwise, since the day you got it. No-one can steal it or buy it off you. (Some people say prostitutes sell their bodies, but really it’s more like they rent them out. And even then, the customer only gets to ride shotgun - he doesn’t get to drive.)

So I always figured that if you’re only going to have one possession, it may as well be huge. Your body is the one thing in life that’s yours to keep, so you may as well get a good deal. I weigh less than ninety kilograms - some people have twice as much property as me!

Okay, so I’m not actually aiming to be a fat guy. I eat carefully, I exercise. I’m pretty fit, and not beautiful, but not ugly either. And I’m almost two metres tall, with long legs and an arm span of even more than my height, so it’s not like I’m getting a raw deal, size-wise.

But still, sometimes it’s nice to dream.



MITIFOTIT:
Most Interesting Thing I Found On The Internet Today

The 8 Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They’ll Never Happen), courtesy of Cracked.com.

The “Sprawling Urban Hell-Slum” archetype features a crime rate so high that if you’re not currently being robbed, it’s only because you’re robbing someone else.