Life is tough as a tall pansy

There are four types of men in the world. Tall pansies, short pansies, tall jerks, and short jerks. The difference between pansy and jerk is obvious; the difference between tall and short is less so. It’s not just a difference in height - short people are conditioned by society to feel like they have something to prove. Like they have to compensate. So, when you put these four types of men in a situation where there are women, such as a party or a nightclub, the heterosexual ones try to attract women in various ways:

TALL PANSY: Stands around hoping a cute girl will notice him.
TALL JERK: The same, only he laughs louder.
SHORT PANSY: Approaches the girl he’s interested in and tries to strike up a conversation.
SHORT JERK: Picks a fight with the tall pansy.

This is the rarely-spotted short blond jerk.

As a tall pansy, it seems to be my fate that every time I go into a populated area and stand still for more than ten seconds, a short jerk approaches me and strikes up a conversation. They usually go something like this:

SHORT JERK: What the (sexual intercourse) are you staring at, (homosexual)?
ME: I wasn’t staring.
SHORT JERK: You calling me a liar, you (incestuous) piece of (fecal matter)?
ME: Sorry, I’m not looking for trouble.
SHORT JERK: You calling me trouble, (genitalia)-head?
ME: I think you’re only hearing what you want to hear. I also think I may detect the telltale whiff of alcoholic beverages on your breath.
SHORT JERK: Were you making eyes at my girlfriend?
ME: In fact, I can see congealed booze all over your face and clothes. There are paper towels in the bathroom, if you need them. And no, I wasn’t eyeing off your girlfriend; in fact, I mistook her for a man.

I usually wake up on the floor a few hours later with a mouth full of broken glass and second-hand vomit. But by the standards of your average night-clubber, I seem to have had “a good time”.

And by the way, the short pansy always gets the girl.



MITIFOTIT:
(Most Interesting Thing I Found On The Internet Today)

This is already a somewhat racy and juvenile post - I may as well go all the way: